Our Miracle

I can't believe my little boy is turning one tomorrow. I reflect back on all the struggles we had to conceive Noah thinking in my heart that it really may never happen. After a year of marriage Zac and decided it was time to start our family. We tried for a year without any success. I had been charting and tracking everything so we took it to a Dr. in Utah. The dr. gave me some clomid and some steroid to try for 3 months and then come back and re-evaluate. In the course of the three months Zac accepted a new job and we began moving every six months. We first came to Florida and made an appointment with the only fertility dr. in the area. It took forever for us to get in with him and we only had three months left to try until we moved again. This dr. was a French guy with not exceptionally great bedside manner. He kept wanting to postpone things and finally I broke down in tears expressing our urgency with moving and he hurried things up a little. We ran all the necessary tests and found that many factors contributed to our inability to conceive. Our combined factors resulted in us having only a 3 percent chance to conceive naturally. The dr. again put me on clomid, Zac on some vitamins and once a month I received a shot in my stomach. This could increase our chances to about 12%. My egg production was monitored every few days by an ultra sound. Our lives revolved around this process, vacations were scheduled to avoid conflictions, plans with friends canceled as we never new when our next appointment would be it was a day by day process. Finally the big day for the insemination came. We were so excited. In the mean time we were also working with LDS family services to adopt. All of our paper work was submitted and we scheduled our home evaluation and personal interviews. The day we had our interview was the same day I did a blood test to see if we were pregnant. The results were negative and we were devastated. We carried through with the adoption interviews and tried another month the same routine with the dr. Again, it was unsuccessful. We were eager to move to the next course of treatment but would not have time to complete it before our move to Rochester NY. Through out this entire process no one who has not experienced it can understand the emotional factors involved. Zac and I questioned our worthiness to teach one of Heavenly Father's children. We felt angry at those who had "unwanted" pregnancies. We were so tender to comments of others as we felt scrutinized for not having children yet. We were united as a couple but sometimes felt so alone as this monopolized every area ofour lives. We moved to Rochester and very quickly got in at Strong hospital, one of the nation's top fertility clinics. The dr. we met was very empathetic and understood what an emotional roller coaster this was. She put us on the next level of treatment which included Zac giving me a shot in the stomach every night for about 11 days, every other day ultra sounds and blood tests, and a lot of anxiety. This would increase our chances to about 15% The day for this attempted insemination arrived and I was so upset because after all that I had only produced 2 eggs. Every one kept saying, it only takes 1! Our numbers were low and statistically speaking there was very little chance of the insemination working. We had the insemination and both returned to work. There is a 2 week waiting period before you can test and that fell on our trip to Orlando for a work conference. 2 nights after the 2 weeks mark we finally took a home pregnancy test in our hotel room and were elated when we saw the positive sign. I thought I would be so emotional and excited but we both found ourselves very skeptical and reserved. We met with my family a few days later for a mock Thanksgiving dinner. Zac was asked to offer the prayer and in the prayer expressed gratitude for our baby. My family who knew of all we were going through was so excited. Our 2 years and 3 months of heatbreaking struggle to raise a family were finally realized. We were able to see his little heart beat and have our first ultra sound at 6 weeks. Tears streamed down my face as I met my son for the first time. We contacted family services and were advised to keep our profile up until the first trimester passed. During this time we received several emails from birth mothers and one who even chose us! We were so happy and excited knowing we would never turn a baby away. We told this sweet girl that we were pregnant and she was shocked. It was heart breaking as she told us she thought we were an answer to her prayers and now she did not know what to do. We explained our situation and she understood a little more. We continued to correspond and she ultimately choose a different family. It was kind of a sad experience yet it helped me to really understand what birth mothers go through and know that if we do adopt in the future it can be such a wonderful experience. This little baby was born in January and they would have been so close in age. In reflection I know it would be so hard to change my life that drastically while pregnant and moving everywhere but I still think of that little baby girl. I know that we were sent to Rochester as a blessing. I have no doubt that the Lord's hand was involved to place us at the perfect place at the perfect time. I do not know if we will be able to conceive again but I feel so fortunate to have had the experience. Noah is truely our miracle and I am so blessed to be his mom!