Tuesday Tell All-Scared

Tell us about a scary experience in your life. How did you overcome it? How did it make you the person you are today?

My scariest experience probably isn't quite what many would term scary but fear is what I felt. Please note that I love my husband dearly and am very very happily married. That being said my scariest experience was that of getting married. For some reason I had many reservations about marriage. I loved college life and being single and care free. It was hard being out at BYU where there were so many amazing people and so much fun to be had. How would I ever meet the one I could commit eternity to? I mean, that's huge! I kept expecting this big telling moment that would fill me with confidence and assurance that marrying Zac was the right thing to do. It didn't happen that way for me. I had several small and still moments that confirmed to me that marrying Zac was correct. Some of them included simply sitting at a fireside with him and thinking quite peacefully....I could/should marry Zac. I also attended a devotional where the speaker counseled us to be married. He stated that there was nothing we could do alone in this life that wouldn't be done better and with greater pleasure than with a spouse by our side. This was huge for me as I had big ideas for my future all planned out and figured marriage would interfere with those. These subtle experiences were great but the fear would set in gain as I let these confirmations slip from my mind. It was a talk by Jeffrey R. Holland entitled "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence" that I read over and over to help remind me to not ignore or forget these precious experiences. Looking back all of this seems so silly but I seriously suffered from so much anxiety about this. I would constantly present Zac with this dumb what if questions trying to reassure myself that he would always love me. Ironically right after we were officially engaged many of those fears subsided. I knew that Zac was an amazing person and that if I couldn't marry him I would never be able to commit to anyone. I am so grateful that I recognized that there would be no one profound moment to reveal my eternal companion. I am grateful that the Spirit speaks to us differently and recognize how important it is to learn how he speaks to you personally. Since my marriage to Zac, he has helped me overcome many other fears by always being there for me....my fear of change, needles, giving birth, financial insecurities and more. I realize that there are many other fears that I have and will also develop but know that I can overcome them as I see the great blessings of conquering this one fear in my life.